I have always thought that it would be handy to have three arms. Now that we have Audrey, I am seriously considering plastic surgery to add the third arm. I would have my third arm attached under my right arm so I could have two right hands.
Maybe a fourth arm would be ideal. I wonder if Dr. 90210 would do the surgery?
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Friday, May 18, 2007
Zzzzzzzz...
You don't realize how precious sleep is until you are denied a full night. One night of lost sleep is a drop in the bucket compared to 58 consecutive days without. After 58 days of not sleeping at night (and actually thinking it's okay), I got to sleep 6 straight hours for 8 nights. That's great, right? (8 nights is not enough time for the circles under my eyes to go away, but that's beside the point, but I'm not complaining, just stating the facts.) Yeah, 8 nights is great. But then night 67 comes around, and well, you can guess what happened to my sleeping streak...
She just wanted to see me. When she was done eating, she gave me a big toothless grin. Who needs sleep? Not me.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Arachnophobia
Who knew motherhood would make me brave? Not me. If anything, I have traded my carefree life for an existence of worry. I can no longer wake up and jump in the shower. I worry, "Is she still breathing?" I can't just go into the kitchen to make lunch. I worry, "Is she hungry?" Vegging out on the couch is not one of my daily activities. I worry, "Is she stimulated enough today?" My world no longer revolves around me. I wouldn't want it to anyway. It's amazing how my whole perspective has changed.
The other day, Audrey and I were "playing." She was practicing lifting her head, and I was encouraging her. Hazel wanted to go out, so I got up to let her outside. When I opened the door, a huge, silver-dollar sized spider ran inside. It ran under the chair by the door. Usually my guard dog would take care of a spider, but she was busy chasing away a bird in the flowerbed. What was I going to do? Under normal circumstances, I would avoid the room where the spider/roach/bug is and wait for Brandon to come home and kill it. Another coping mechanism that I use, besides avoidance, is trapping the spider/roach/bug under a cup and placing a heavy object like a shoe or canned good on top of the cup. This day though, none of these techniques would work. I have a baby to protect. We can't avoid the room all day. And with the spider under the chair, I obviously can't trap it with the cup and shoe method.
Well, I do what I would have never ever dreamed I would ever do in a million bazillion years. I hunt the spider. First, I gather all of the spider-hunting gear together: carpet cleaner (it has a nozzle that will shoot a mile), Febreze (in case the carpet cleaner doesn't work), and Brandon's heavy running shoe. Mind you, I have to gather all of the materials at warp speed because Audrey is still laying on the floor oblivious to the danger. I crouch down on the floor to look under the chair. My bottom is up in the air and my cheek is flat on the floor. I am in a very precarious position. In this position I am very vulnerable to the spider. He could jump on my face at any minute, but I can't find him! So, I continue searching. I found him hanging upside down on the bottom of the chair, hiding from me. I use the Febreze spray to knock him down, and he starts running. I shoot him with the carpet cleaner, and thank goodness he slows down. I am able to beat him with the shoe. He stops. I squirt him with more carpet cleaner to make sure he's dead. He's dead.
Now, to make sure he doesn't send out signals to his spider friends, I employ the cup and shoe trapping method and wait for Brandon to get home.
But now the room is filled with poisonous carpet cleaning fumes. What is a mother to do? I spray Febreze on the carpet. Hopefully, Audrey will continue to develop normally despite the toxic fumes she inhaled that day. At least I saved her from the spider.
Wow. What motherhood has done to me...made me brave.
(As I was typing this, I felt a tickle on my shoulder. When I looked to see what it was, there was a small spider on my shoulder!! No kidding. I beat it with Hazel's bone, and I actually picked it up with a napkin! But I flushed it down the toilet so it couldn't send spidey signals to its friends.)
The other day, Audrey and I were "playing." She was practicing lifting her head, and I was encouraging her. Hazel wanted to go out, so I got up to let her outside. When I opened the door, a huge, silver-dollar sized spider ran inside. It ran under the chair by the door. Usually my guard dog would take care of a spider, but she was busy chasing away a bird in the flowerbed. What was I going to do? Under normal circumstances, I would avoid the room where the spider/roach/bug is and wait for Brandon to come home and kill it. Another coping mechanism that I use, besides avoidance, is trapping the spider/roach/bug under a cup and placing a heavy object like a shoe or canned good on top of the cup. This day though, none of these techniques would work. I have a baby to protect. We can't avoid the room all day. And with the spider under the chair, I obviously can't trap it with the cup and shoe method.
Well, I do what I would have never ever dreamed I would ever do in a million bazillion years. I hunt the spider. First, I gather all of the spider-hunting gear together: carpet cleaner (it has a nozzle that will shoot a mile), Febreze (in case the carpet cleaner doesn't work), and Brandon's heavy running shoe. Mind you, I have to gather all of the materials at warp speed because Audrey is still laying on the floor oblivious to the danger. I crouch down on the floor to look under the chair. My bottom is up in the air and my cheek is flat on the floor. I am in a very precarious position. In this position I am very vulnerable to the spider. He could jump on my face at any minute, but I can't find him! So, I continue searching. I found him hanging upside down on the bottom of the chair, hiding from me. I use the Febreze spray to knock him down, and he starts running. I shoot him with the carpet cleaner, and thank goodness he slows down. I am able to beat him with the shoe. He stops. I squirt him with more carpet cleaner to make sure he's dead. He's dead.
Now, to make sure he doesn't send out signals to his spider friends, I employ the cup and shoe trapping method and wait for Brandon to get home.
But now the room is filled with poisonous carpet cleaning fumes. What is a mother to do? I spray Febreze on the carpet. Hopefully, Audrey will continue to develop normally despite the toxic fumes she inhaled that day. At least I saved her from the spider.
Wow. What motherhood has done to me...made me brave.
(As I was typing this, I felt a tickle on my shoulder. When I looked to see what it was, there was a small spider on my shoulder!! No kidding. I beat it with Hazel's bone, and I actually picked it up with a napkin! But I flushed it down the toilet so it couldn't send spidey signals to its friends.)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
