Last night.

Last night was interesting. Audrey usually goes to sleep around 10:30 and then sleeps until 5:00. There was nothing different last night. She was out by 10:30, but for some reason she woke up around 2:45. I didn't realize that she was making noises until 3:00. I got up to feed her. She eats for all of 7 minutes and then fell back asleep. I thought that she was just needing some snuggle time. I was thankful that she didn't draw it out for 30 minutes. I put her back in the pack n play, but her eyes popped open. So I left her for 5 minutes (that's my rule...she goes down for 5 minutes, and she usually falls asleep). Five minutes later, she is still kicking and grunting. So I pick her back up thinking she is still hungry. She eats for a few minutes and then falls asleep...out cold. I put her back in the pack n play, and her eyes pop open again. So I leave her for 5 more minutes. This time she fusses a little.

Now, it's 3:30. When I pick her up, she burps really loud. I say, "Oh, that's what the problem was. Now you can go back to sleep." She smiles. Great...I broke another rule. Never talk to the baby at night. I rock her in my arms, and she drifts to sleep. I put her back in the pack n play, and her eyes pop open again. This time she looks at me and smiles. I didn't wait 5 minutes. I pick her up and go into the bathroom (where it is really dark). I rock her in my arms and sing her favorite songs: I'm a Little Teapot, Jingle Bells, Jesus Loves Me, Itsy Bitsy Spider, Rockabye Baby, and Hush Little Baby. Actually, they aren't her favorites. These are just the songs that I know all the words to. I make sure she is good and asleep this time. I put her back in the pack n play, and her eyes pop open again. It is now 4:00. I pick her up again, and she spits up all over me. Yuck. I lay her down on my bed to clean her up. Now she screaming! Brandon wakes up and asks if we're okay. I tell him to go back to sleep. I dont think he heard me. He is already snoring.

I calm her down, and wipe her face and my shoulder. She smiles and coos at me. So, I ask her, "Why aren't you sleepy? Let's go night night." All of a sudden, I hear a machine gun in her diaper. Great. I try not to change diapers in the middle of the night. Now I have to change this one. We go to the changing table. She is really happy. She is talking and smiling up a storm. I try to take her picture, but it is too dark in the room. I am breaking every rule.

I get the new diaper under her, and what does she do? More poop. Lots of it, too. And she has to pee! Great. At least it was in the diaper and not on the changing table. That will turn a happy baby mad in a minute. She is still really talkative and flirty. Okay. I give up. It's 4:30, and I decide that I'll just take a nap this afternoon. I am awake. I get her a new diaper, and put her pajamas back on. For some reason, she yawns. And yawns again. I lay back in bed and put her on my chest. She's out. It's 4:38. At 4:45 I put her in the pack n play. She's out. Nice.

Why not finish the laundry? It's 4:45. What a great time to do housework. I also make Brandon's lunch. He always wanted me to be a stay at home zombie, I mean mom.

Three's Company

We went out today, just the three of us. It was a beautiful day. My family is so beautiful. Brandon said, "Our life is getting to be fun again." I agree.

Three Arms and a Baby

I have always thought that it would be handy to have three arms. Now that we have Audrey, I am seriously considering plastic surgery to add the third arm. I would have my third arm attached under my right arm so I could have two right hands.

Maybe a fourth arm would be ideal. I wonder if Dr. 90210 would do the surgery?

Zzzzzzzz...

You don't realize how precious sleep is until you are denied a full night. One night of lost sleep is a drop in the bucket compared to 58 consecutive days without. After 58 days of not sleeping at night (and actually thinking it's okay), I got to sleep 6 straight hours for 8 nights. That's great, right? (8 nights is not enough time for the circles under my eyes to go away, but that's beside the point, but I'm not complaining, just stating the facts.) Yeah, 8 nights is great. But then night 67 comes around, and well, you can guess what happened to my sleeping streak...

She just wanted to see me. When she was done eating, she gave me a big toothless grin. Who needs sleep? Not me.

Arachnophobia

Who knew motherhood would make me brave? Not me. If anything, I have traded my carefree life for an existence of worry. I can no longer wake up and jump in the shower. I worry, "Is she still breathing?" I can't just go into the kitchen to make lunch. I worry, "Is she hungry?" Vegging out on the couch is not one of my daily activities. I worry, "Is she stimulated enough today?" My world no longer revolves around me. I wouldn't want it to anyway. It's amazing how my whole perspective has changed.

The other day, Audrey and I were "playing." She was practicing lifting her head, and I was encouraging her. Hazel wanted to go out, so I got up to let her outside. When I opened the door, a huge, silver-dollar sized spider ran inside. It ran under the chair by the door. Usually my guard dog would take care of a spider, but she was busy chasing away a bird in the flowerbed. What was I going to do? Under normal circumstances, I would avoid the room where the spider/roach/bug is and wait for Brandon to come home and kill it. Another coping mechanism that I use, besides avoidance, is trapping the spider/roach/bug under a cup and placing a heavy object like a shoe or canned good on top of the cup. This day though, none of these techniques would work. I have a baby to protect. We can't avoid the room all day. And with the spider under the chair, I obviously can't trap it with the cup and shoe method.

Well, I do what I would have never ever dreamed I would ever do in a million bazillion years. I hunt the spider. First, I gather all of the spider-hunting gear together: carpet cleaner (it has a nozzle that will shoot a mile), Febreze (in case the carpet cleaner doesn't work), and Brandon's heavy running shoe. Mind you, I have to gather all of the materials at warp speed because Audrey is still laying on the floor oblivious to the danger. I crouch down on the floor to look under the chair. My bottom is up in the air and my cheek is flat on the floor. I am in a very precarious position. In this position I am very vulnerable to the spider. He could jump on my face at any minute, but I can't find him! So, I continue searching. I found him hanging upside down on the bottom of the chair, hiding from me. I use the Febreze spray to knock him down, and he starts running. I shoot him with the carpet cleaner, and thank goodness he slows down. I am able to beat him with the shoe. He stops. I squirt him with more carpet cleaner to make sure he's dead. He's dead.

Now, to make sure he doesn't send out signals to his spider friends, I employ the cup and shoe trapping method and wait for Brandon to get home.

But now the room is filled with poisonous carpet cleaning fumes. What is a mother to do? I spray Febreze on the carpet. Hopefully, Audrey will continue to develop normally despite the toxic fumes she inhaled that day. At least I saved her from the spider.

Wow. What motherhood has done to me...made me brave.



(As I was typing this, I felt a tickle on my shoulder. When I looked to see what it was, there was a small spider on my shoulder!! No kidding. I beat it with Hazel's bone, and I actually picked it up with a napkin! But I flushed it down the toilet so it couldn't send spidey signals to its friends.)